I have to say I was impressed with her organisation skills- and we documented what she made with photos.

Here is my interview with her after the event:

1. What was your brief going in?

I knew I had to organise the food, decorations and games.

2. What were some of the things you did to prepare?

I looked at recipe books and decided what recipes I would use, and think about the age group of the children to select the games. I researched using google and books, and talked with my grandma and mum. I made lists for everything, with checks to tick off as things got done.

I needed to make shopping lists, and then get an adult to come with me to get the ingedients.

I chose food that were simple to make, that I knew my sister would enjoy.

3. What tips would you give people planning a party

Make sure you put time into the planning part, to make sure everything is organised

Talking it all through with others helps solidfy the ideas and makes sure you don’t miss anything out.

4. What worked the best?

The games were the most popular. They loved the treasure hunt and pin the tail on the cat. We had prizes that made it all fun.

5, Did you need extra help?

I needed help with taking things in and out of the oven, and to get to the supermarket. Besides that, it was all me (though Mum and Grandma were my sous chefs!)

I’m still getting my heads around some of the things I can do on both machines- and have been pretty delighted at how much more I’ve enjoyed my experience with Windows 7 than I had even done with Windows XP. Lots more features, and definitely more features that benefit the whole family.

I’m going to be blogging weekly on education/parenting and technology, but..

I’m am giving away a BRAND NEW SAMSUNG LAPTOP and  consolation prizes of 5 MICE and 5 KEYBOARDS!

The laptop comes with Windows 7, so you’ll be able to experience it’s features for yourself. If you own an xbox 360 kinnect, you’ll even be able to get the laptop and tv talking together! (That’s my project for this week! )

To enter, all you have to do is either post below a cool parenting or education tip that families or educators might like. All posts go into the draw (so if you have a few, then you can post more than once )

If you would like an EXTRA entry, and might be interested in my weekly  parenting or teaching newsletter (full of tips and useful info) then click HERE and sign up. You’ll get an entry- and a free e book on raising a reading child!

Competition starts… NOW, and the draw (which I will do via random selection on the interwebs) will be just after 5pm 25th January

You will need a working email address to enter. Otherwise I will have to give the prize to someone else!

Want all the specs and details on this laptop? You can find them on the Samsung Website

I’ve written before on how we often expect our children to be able to do things that we ourselves either can’t do, or choose not to do. I sometimes think we are far easier on ourselves as adults than we are in our children. Its either that we are strongly promoting a “do as I say but not as I do” mentality, or that there is something that makes us react to seeing certain behaviours in children, that we feel we can justify in ourselves.

I thought Id make a list of some of the things we expect our children to do that we sometimes struggle to do ourselves. This year, I am going to try to focus on asking myself how well I’m doing on these things before telling my children how important they all are or expecting them to do something I don’t expect of myself. Seems fair!

It’s not a all out list. And it’s not in any particular order.

I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts on it- and if I’ve missed anything out.

1. Sharing: So apparently they need to share all their possessions with each other, and not freak out about letting anyone else touch it, play with it, use it. Hmm. I might need to get a little less possessive about a few of my things! Alternatively, I could respect that somethings are important to my kids, and they might want to just be the only one who plays with a few special things. Or can choose who they entrust with them.

2. Coping with new situations: How often have you got frustrated when you take a child to a new person’s place and they get all clingy instead of going and exploring in the new place? Or they may not want to go make friends with a bunch of people they barely know? And how often do we put ourselves in a similar situation and just love it?

3. Never being in control: While we might not always get our way as adults, NEVER getting our way is pretty frustrating. If your child always has to do what you want, with no chance to offer up their own ideas or suggestions, and be heard on them, that could get a little frustrating.

4. Always being polite: I’ve seen some pretty horrific name calling over the last few weeks. None from children either. How is it that we don’t accept it when a child does it, but it’s ok when an adult does? Pretty much goes for taunting, cruel teasing, gossip, and any number of things we say our children shouldn’t do.

5. Apologising and forgiving right away: Sometimes space gives us time to cool down and think straight. We know that as adults. We know that it helps us to see the other side, to get a bit of perspective. We do not enjoy it when someone comes and tells us how to apologise and when to, or worse, to be ready to forgive someone when we are not ready to do so. We need time sometimes, and sometimes our kids do too

I had some other ideas around the use of screen time, about how they learn, eating right, exercise, and a pile of other things we expect of our children more than of ourselves.

Though of course, maybe it’s just me! Maybe I’m the only one!

(that is, of course, a possiblity! )

I have seen several episodes in the last month where people have written pretty strongly worded blogs, or tweets or such, and then, when someone has sought clarification on what they have said, considered that to be a threat to their reasoning, and heavily reacted. This is, of course a very normal thing for anyone to do if they really are unsure of why they believe what they believe. “Just because” or “I don’t have to explain it” might work when you are a five year old, but is not a great method to have people understand your views. (and it is an effective way to shut down a conversation when you really don’t have the ability to explain your thought processes.)

It’s reminded me that one of the things I seek to do as a parent is to teach my children to be able to reasonably explain why they think the things they do.

For me, my position on different subjects can be pretty malleable. If someone has a different opinion than me, it is often because they have a different experience that has brought them there, or perhaps some facts I am not aware of. I always keep that in mind (the seek first to understand principle in action) I try to listen to another person’s viewpoint, and consider it, as asking questions and sharing yours in return is one of the greatest ways to learn as an adult.

I have, in the last year, had my position on somethings changed, because I have heard a well thought out and logical explanation that included information I had not previously considered. Sometimes, their explanation has only further solidified my own position, but this has meant I have been able to think of my response critically. Challenge is never a bad thing if both people are prepared to hear each other and learn.

For our children, it’s just the same. I love that my eleven year old could explain to me how she would have voted in the last general election, and why her vote was different to mine. I love that she is developing the ability to think critically about a topic, then explain her stance. I love that she is passionate about a topic, but also open to talk over the range of other ideas.

Many parents strive to get their children reading and writing. And yes, these skills are important. But to be able to think, and do so critically (asking and answering the whys) without getting defensive or angry, well that is a skill that takes some one further from being able to just read some information and then create a position on it instantly. (and take the stance you are completely right. This of course means, that anyone with an opposing view must be, by default, completely wrong)

I want my children to be confident communicators. It is not about being argumentative, but it is about being able to think things through.

A few weeks ago we had an unexpected event when, after an accident, I had to look after an extra child for the day. On the way home, my daughters and I talked over all the possible outcomes for the rest of the day, including what we might do if we needed to drop the other child back home, or if he needed to stay the night.

The boy asked us why we were talking about all the different options. My eight year old said “in our house, we talk about all the different things that might happen. it helps us to be prepared, and to consider things before they happen which makes us all more relaxed” I was impressed with her explanation, but I also know that that same method of talking over all the options has helped my children tend to be “out of the box”, problem solving thinkers. I expect it.

While I do, like any parent, hope I do not end up with a child with extreme views on something that would be socially or politically challenging for me, my biggest concern is that she would become completely closed minded and unable to explain her position. But if she can stand up for what she believes in, and can confidently and calmly discuss it from all angles without getting abusive, nasty, or defensive (and I remain that way too! ) then I will respect her  no matter what. (though I expect I may have to weather a few thunderous teenage years before we get to this stage! )

We need to be encouraging our children to think critically. It’s not enough for them to know a pile of facts. Anyone can learn a bunch of knowledge. But to be able to know facts, and mix this with their own experiences, and then take in also the experiences of others, well that is when it gets exciting.

How can we do this with our children?

1. Model it first: Explain why we believe what we do, without using abusive terms, or emotive language to do so.

2. Model being able to discuss differing beliefs with others. Show them what it is like to listen reflectively and to be open to change.

3. Talk about situations from different viewpoints. For instance, talk about bullying- and how it looks to everyone that is involved. Try not to make assumptions purely on how you want to see another person’s behaviour. Or talk over different ideas and potential consequences of these ideas as you think them through. (we did this last year with my 6 year old. She was very firm on a particular view-point. After going through all the potential outcomes of having that viewpoint, and then thinking for a day or so, she announced she had altered her position)

4. Discuss ideas as well as learn facts. Talk with your children. Ask them what they think, and why they think it. Explain your reasoning.

5. Don’t become fixated on the retention of information after a child reads. While retelling is an important skill, more importantly, look for inferential comprehension the ability to make sense of what they have read, in light of the relationships of the characters, or in the context of where the story was placed.

*NB: I raised this topic on twitter yesterday, and someone replied that people should be able to say what they believe without having to justify it. To an extent I agree in that we should have the right to speak what is in our hearts and minds. However, a continued inability to talk about what you believe may indicate you may not have fully thought through why you have the position you do on a matter  (which is normal, but not going to help positively bring change, or justify the status quo )

It is hard, when you are passionate about something, to not take a challenge or clarifying question, personally. It can feel like you are being picked on, or even bullied. I know myself that there can be a temptation to either take a low shot at someone for an easy win (and then have to apologise!), or to take a low shot directed at me personally (when it is really that the other person has lost their own control of self)

There are many people who have completely different values and beliefs than I do, but I deeply respect for their ability to explain their position, and to listen to mine.  Those are the sort of children I am trying to raise. Those are the sort of children others will want to work with.  ”Just becausers” don’t change the world. People who can calmly articulate their position can.(even if it’s “wrong’! )

However so much has changed over the last few years (and my children are older) to make me alter my feelings over the effectiveness of the use of technology for children’s development.

Over the next few weeks I’m going to be sharing a few things I’m doing with my children in terms of  technology  and would be interested in hearing your ideas or things you do.

For a long time the only screens in our house was the tv (with the dvd player) and my laptop. As my laptop was a work tool, it wasn’t considered something I was happy to give my children a lot of access on. I felt there was time enough for them to spend time on computers, and I preferred to encourage them outside to play on the trampoline, or read a book, or play a board game. They are all self motivated, read a great deal, and are confident movers with few behaviour issues so I figured that this was all going well.

However a few things have changed this year.

I was given a Samsung Galaxy S2 phone in 2011 which has meant I am far less tied to needing to use my laptop to work. I now mainly use my laptop for word processing and writing anything of any great length, and for any site not well optimised for mobile.

Just before Christmas we were given a new  Samsung Laptop with full Windows 7 installed (which, after using the free Open Office on my mac for four years was AWESOME, and BOY has it changed from Windows XP. Have been using the Microsoft Office site to get my head round all the new things it does!) and an XBox 360 kinnect

(AS AN ASIDE…. I’M GOING TO BE GIVING AWAY A LAPTOP JUST LIKE MINE IN A FEW WEEKS TIME! )

AND

My ex husband and I gave our three a combined gift of a Samsung Galaxy 10.1 Tab for their christmas gift.(yeah, they are super lucky kids! )

In a few months we’ve gone from being a pretty technology sparse family to one that is rich in it!

And I’ve been surprised at how easily all of those tools have fit into our family.

We did put some rules down regarding these tools. We limit times spent on them (except on public holidays where it’s just lovely to let them indulge), if it’s fine, it’s outside to play, not in front of a screen, and if a book is around it’s the top priority. The spare laptop and tab are primarily for googling, emails and skyping, or creative endeavours (of which there are many!) . Games come out of data fun time. (As does the time on the XBox 360 )

I am still finding my way with some of the new technology in the house- and enjoying letting them learn some of the idiosyncrasies, then teach me.

I’ve been reminded that technology is like anything – it’s just a tool. It’s not what we use with our children but how we use it that makes it a good or a bad thing. Teaching my children how to use technology well is part of parenting, just is teaching them how to eat the right kinds of food, to have manners, and to have self management skills. Keeping them cut off from technology just creates a hunger in them to take it where they can get it, without any healthy boundaries created for them.

I like to think what we are doing now as a family is finding how having all these tools add to our family life, and their learning and development, as opposed to negatively impacting it. So far, I think we are doing well.

My next step is in finding out ways to get the tools working together. Apparently I can get my computer to talk to the xbox….

And abuse is deplorable and it’s wrong and it’s way too prevalent in New Zealand.

Today I was accused of being (amongst other things) a bleeding hearts liberal who is trying to justify that an abuser is “ok”

Which couldn’t be further from the truth.

Abuse is always wrong. It’s wrong who ever we are abusing.

My main beef with the conversations that I see around me is they are full on anger (righteous though it may be) but not full of change.

Some people think the solution should be to go zero tolerance on all abuse.

On the surface, I think this is an excellent idea.

But then the questions begin.

Just how to de define abuse? Do we count one loss of temper and yelling at a child? (I’ve done that.)

Do we count any times we have used the “I am very disappointed in you” trick – which adults often say made them feel far worse than the odd bottom slap and caused them to become guilt ridden adults, but didn’t show any bruises and their parents never raised their voices.

Do we decide a slap on the bottom is ok? Or is all hitting completely out? And then, what happens to grey areas, like slapping a hand away from a hot stove?

Can a teen say it’s abuse that you ground them for a month after slipping out to a party (I have known three teens who have reported their parents to CYPS for this)

I’m ANTI ABUSE.

But I am worried we can get all lynch mob when we see horrific examples, but are not prepared to take a community look at what is happening and actually do something.

I am worried that we are all about the outrage and demanding it MUST STOP NOW, without being actually prepared to do anything. To the best of my knowledge, going around calling those people “scum” is not likely to change the behaviour. It just makes us feel better.

It’s a huge issue. I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I have spent the last 12 months, since the girl in the cupboard case came to light, thinking about the ideas around how to prevent it from happening again (though of course we can only ever reduce abuse. There will always, always be people who slip through the cracks, crappy though that may be)

This is part of what I think needs to happen

1. We stop EXPECTING that parents are automatically going to be good parents. It’s hard work- even if you’ve got a fair idea!  For me it’s easyish to know what to do- I had great parents, I have got a degree in education, I teach on behavior. But many people don’t. And they need help to be more confident and capable parents. So we need to find a way to reach these parents and help them better (and not rely on using books, which are not great for all the barely literate parents out there
2. The abuser generally is stuck. Except for a very very tiny percentage of people who may delight in hurt of anyone, no one wakes up at the beginning of each day and thinks “gosh, I might verbally or physically abuse my child today.” So, instead of focusing on the abuser and the victim, let’s become a nation of blabber mouths and have consequences for people who don’t  speak up when they see abuse before them. If we start watching out for others, and know if we remain silent we can be held to account, perhaps we will start taking personal responsibility for the children around us a bit more. How can we expect the two caught up in the cycle to do this for themselves? Put the child before ourselves, and speak up.
3. We invest piles of money into government initiatives such as quitline. We subsidise things to make it easier for smokers to quit. IMAGINE if we put those resources into similar things for stressed and at risk parents. Create a phone line where people about to lose it can “phone a friend” instead. Call it SMACKLINE. Help them know there is someone who will listen to them talk it out, and help them find a good solution to the problem. A SAFE ONE FOR EVERYONE
4. Give parents who don’t have positive parenting methods as their default (either because they never personally experienced it, or they are mentally ill, or there is something else going on) really good, sound, effective methods to replace the ones they are doing that are not working. People do what is familiar. And people do what they know. We need to help them learn new methods. We need to give them some real, simple to use techniques (like one of my favourites- which is to find a firm surface, like a bench or a table and press your hands into it as hard as you can while counting slowly to ten. it’s easy to do, it resets the adult, and it reduces the overflow of adrenaline coursing through their bodies. )
5. Consider changing the policy to home children in danger with their direct whanau. There are many people in New Zealand who want kids. Let’s put them with them but let’s then give those people support. When a child is placed with foster parents, besides a quick parenting course, the foster parents are often left to work nearly everything out themselves. I am amazed at how we expect people to immediately know how parent. Many don’t. Especially foster parents. (who may never have had a child, or may have grown children.) If you are a naturally good parent yourself, with experience- don’t be selfish about it- or think everyone else should know- SHARE your wisdom. Truly, many parents have NO IDEA. They need help. Help them.
6. Acknowledge that some children are really hard work. In fact all children are hard work (even my incredible ones) but some children are very much hard work. These parents need support and breaks and a safe place to vent without feeling they are going to have their kids ripped from them at the first sign of trouble. Without saying it’s ok to hit or abuse, in a long life of a child, if a parent loses their temper once or twice and inadvertently scares the child, but then works to change that behaviour both the parent and the child will be ok, and benefit from the new and better relationship. And let’s not go about calling all abusers scum. Because I want those parenting who are on that thin line to feel free to put their hand up for help, and get it, without fearing having their kids ripped away (because nothing ever good comes out of that sort of fear)
7. Government needs to stop making this a party issue. It’s a whole country issue. And it’s not just a poverty problem, or a race issue.  It’s a government issue, a community issue, and if you are angry about those children, I suggest you make it YOUR issue too. Not to vent. Find something practical you can do. Take the children of a stressed parent out for a while, or give a stressed parent a break.  Watch the children of your friends and family. Talk about abuse in your everyday conversations not from a “burn in hell” perspective, but in a “what would make someone do this” perspective. Get people talking. Get people opening up. Support people through change. (think about dealing with it as you would a domestically violent relationship. that helps work out the conversations you can start)

Did the woman who hid her child in that cupboard deserve to  put in Jail? HELL YES. Her abuse was indescribably terrible and horrific. Is getting angry about her and all the other extreme cases actually doing anything? No. Imagine if we ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING REAL. Each and everyone one of us. Let’s put those children first, by actually building relationships with other families, looking out for each other and putting our time and energy into it, instead of just our mouths

It is still one of my most precious possessions as it’s a portrait of me, surrounded by all the phrases I used to encourage both her and myself to break through and challenge ourselves.

It was like Mrs Marsh and the chalk- it DID get in!

In the last few weeks I’ve had a few people tell me some of the phrases I’ve said to them have made a difference to them. They are words I try to live by to.

(I’d love to hear yours if you’ve got special ones)

The following sayings/truisms have shaped my actions, and my life in the last 12 months:

1. Love is never wasted.

This is a core belief for me. I believe un requited love is unrequited for a reason- that you love the person in a way you both need (not talking crazy stalker love here, just that yuck, they love you like a friend, you want more stuff. )But it’s more than that. People often think that time invested in someone is “wasted” when you break up with them. Of course it isn’t. Love is never wasted. It feeds the giver, and it feeds the recipient, and it often feeds a pile of other periphial people around you both.

I beleive love is something we shouldn’t ration. The more we give, the more we get. Sometimes, we love someone… but someone else offers us love in return. We need to open our eyes to who is loving us, and not prescribe who or how people are meant to love us- but focus on how we choose to love others.

Love is never a waste. It’s a free, limitless gift that grows and dies on it’s own schedule. Best thing to do is relax into it and ride it out..

2. We only own our own behaviour

How I dearly wish this wasn’t true! That we could control others (and by god we try! ).

But no matter what you do to another person, they choose how to react to it, and they choose how they see your actions, and then respond. The only behaviour we can change is ours. And we have the choice to choose the kind and best way, or the destructive nasty way. No one makes us choose one or the other- it’s our choice. I try to choose the kind route. I failed that this year, but I’m working on that again!

3. The gift of forgiveness is a life changer

I had experienced how good and liberating it was to forgive others, but this year really experienced joust how humbling and precious it is to be forgiven. It’s an underserved gift, and it’s one I cherish

4. Slow Down. 

I’m a fast thinker and worker. I’ve had to keep a lot of balls in the air. But sometimes it’s a good idea to slow right down, drop the balls and just STOP. To slow down and wait, and listen, before talking again.

I struggle with this. But I’m very slowly getting better at it.

And I’ve learnt there is some really awesome stuff that can happen when you slooooowwww dooowwwn. Like actually being able to focus and get things done to a better level than when juggling everything all at once.

5. Totes!

Ok, so it’s not really a saying. But I say it a lot and I say it when I’m happy

Christmas seemed to come around so slowly when I was a child. I remember being dismayed when I realised that it was nine months away in March! I still remember my mother saying it would all be different when I was a grown up- and now I understand just what she meant! It seems to come around quicker every year, and the drive to increase my spending comes along with it. While as a child Christmas was more than the gifts – it was about family time and holidays at the beach- as an adult it can feel the gift buying is all there is.
If we look at the toys available to us as parents now, it is hugely more varied than when we were children (At the risk of sounding old!) The choices seem to be much more complicated, and I know that I feel very conscious about making good decisions about the educational viewpoint of any toy that I select. However almost anything can have an educational side- a tea set helps a child practice social skills and mimic their families meal time practices, and a carpentry set helps a child develop great hand eye coordination along with a lot of fun and noise.

The following are a selection of age appropriate toys, broken down into age groups. Some toys will work across all age groups, so if you see something you think your three year old would love in the baby section, still try it out. You know your child better than I do! Included in the range are several cheaper options for toys- your child will not mind a homemade version, and you may enjoy being creative with your ideas.

Babies 0-6 months

Newborn babies often get the most gifts but are not in a position to actively use them. If you are buying for a baby, select something that they will get use of for a good period of time.
Try some of the following:
• Mobiles – ones that hang from the ceiling or attach to a cot. A friend made her own very professional looking one by selecting a range of little soft toys from the $2 shop. She hung them on a circular peg hanging also purchased at the $2 shop (I think it was originally meant for delicates!) After adding some ribbons and decorative ornaments it looked pretty and inviting.
• Activity Centres. – These can be quite expensive but if you select well you can find one that takes your child right through to toddlerhood. Material ones can be stored away easily, and are more pleasant to touch. Activity gyms that hang over them during floor time are also good. If you are on a budget, these are easily available second hand in good condition.
• Books are a great gift at any age. At this age, select books with simple pictures and perhaps little to no words to use during floor time. The Tana Hoban black and White books are good for this age group.
• A mirror will keep your baby entertained for hours. Select a plastic one for safety. Use it in your mat times
If you want to make a gift for your baby try one of the following:
• A book made up of photos of your family – especially if they live a distance away.
• A cross stitch picture or a painting for their room (will be appreciated in later years)
• A home made mobile

Babies 6-18 months

After six months your little one will start to become a lot more aware of their surroundings. This is a really exciting time for you and your child as they discover their world.

When selecting toys for this age group. Choose ones that will encourage them to move explore and investigate.
Some of the larger items can be available second hand if you need to stick to your budget. A good quality second hand item may be preferable than a cheaper plastic alternative.
• First jigsaws. Look for wooden ones with the pegs to help your child place them correctly in the spaces.
• Simple shape sorters. My favourite is the Fisher Price Snail as it only has three holes but plenty of shapes to post inside. It makes music too (Which you can disable!)
• Bath Toys. Find ones that squirt, pump, sieve, pour and drip. You can make up your own bath toys using kitchen equipment. Buy a container to put all the toys in at the same time so they don’t clog up the bathroom!
• Hammer toys. Toys such as Pound a Ball, pop up toys and hammer and peg sets are very popular with children of this age group.
• A bead wire frame. Many doctors’ surgeries and creches have these. Some children love them and others barely notice theme. Try your child out on one before you buy. My first child was not interested at all but my second child will spend long stretches of time playing with one.
• Walking Aids. Anything with wheels will be a big hit when your child starts moving on their legs. Try the little cars, trolleys, prams, doll strollers, and pedal free trikes.
• Pull along toys. My favourite is still the buzzy bee, however there are a range of different characters your child will enjoy pulling along.
• Blocks. Try wooden blocks or duplo. If tempted to make your own, make sure you use untreated wood, and make sure they are smooth and splinter free.

If you want to make a gift for your baby or toddler, try one of the following:
• Buy a selection of pegs and a container for them. Children love sorting them, arranging them and putting theme back into the container.
• Make shakers and musical instruments using old containers. Make sure the tops are glued and taped shut. Paint and decorate the outsides. Fill them with different substances- rice, sand, pasta and gravel for different sounds

18mths- 3 years

Once your child reaches 18months ideas for presents suddenly increase. Your child will be walking and getting into everything. They will be fascinated in their world and wanting to do everything they see the people around theme do.

Here are some great gift ideas for this age group:

• Dolls – baby dolls are great for copying the nurturing they see you do- and are perfect for children about to have a younger sibling.
• Tea sets – plastic are generally better at this age, more hard wearing and resilient
• Puzzles. Your child may still prefer peg puzzles, but will be able to increase to around 12 piece puzzle during this time 9I know some puzzle crazed toddlers who manage 36 piece puzzles – but it depends on the child)
• Shape Sorters- more complicates ones with a variety of shapes are good at this stage
• Tool Kits or Doctors kits for aids in dramatic play
• Balls – for throwing, bouncing, and rolling. We gave a soccer ball to my daughter for us to all use on warm summers night playing soccer. – A great way for the whole family to exercise.
• Swing – you could hang one from a beam or buy a whole swing and slide set.
• Sand and Water Play set. These set soften come with boats, and other bits and pieces to make play fun.
• Duplo – Children love to construct objects at this stage. Some of the themed sets come in a box, which saves the ongoing storage problems, and help it all remain tidy when not in use.
• Drums and instruments. – you could add a tape of your child’s favourite songs for them to play along with
• A table and chair set. This is great for their activities, dramatic play and for eating at. Our set gets hours of use every week.

If you want to make your own toys, or look at some less costly options, try some of these ideas:

• A homemade carpentry set. Use untreated wood, and supply a real hammer and nails. Great for creative constructors. Again, supply a box so there is a place for the pieces when not in use
• Play dough. Make up a few different colours, and supply some shape cutters
• Dolls bedding or clothes. I used some old clothes cut down one year to make bedding and clothes for my daughter’s doll. I am not a great sewer but she loved them.
• A large box, pens and papers – for your child to make their own cubby house.

3-5 year olds.

After three your child may start to become more commercial and recognise toys and trends. This is particularly true for children with older siblings or interacting with other children at centres.

This is the age of creativity and action. Think about giving one of these to your children:

• Dress Ups – we were well into dress ups by the time my eldest was two, but this year I am doing a dress up box for Christmas. It will include store bought dressups along side homemade and second hand finds. I plan to scour second hand shops for clothing with great fabrics and cut them up to make clothes she will love
• A pop up tent. Great for quiet times, out side shade, inside picnics and can by put away easily when not in use.
• A pet. If you think they are ready for the responsibility try a rabbit, a fish or a bird.
• Art sets- with paints, pens and crayons
• A train set. One that requires the child to move the train by themselves is better for their development and coordination
• Gym Equipment. You could supply bally, hoops, mats, and climbing equipment. If you live in a place with cold winters or plenty of rain, select items that can be used inside as well as outside- so that they can be active regardless of the weather. A trampoline can be a great investment at this stage.
• Board Games – this is the age where turn taking makes more sense. Try traditional games such as Snakes and Ladders, and Ludo, or new games such as Go Away Monster by Gamewright, or any of the Orchard Toys range
• Playmobil – this has been a huge success in our household. The pieces are small so you do need to watch little ones with it, however the interactions your child will have while playing with it are great. It is on of the more expensive toys, but you can start small and add to it- and get your extended family coordinated with their buying too.
• A dolls house. Make one, find a second hand one or buy one new. I personally prefer wooden over plastic, but it does come down to personal preference. Again be cautious with really little pieces if you have babies around.
• Construction toys like duplo or mobilo work well for this age group
• A play mat and cars.

If you want to create your own toys, or compile your own kits try some of the following ideas:

• Find some real items for dramatic play- real pots and pans, telephones, and hand bags
• Collect some art supplies for creative days. Add glitter, stickers, and pretty paper (wrapping paper), ribbons and fabric scraps. Put it all in a pretty box.
• Make some gingerbread men and supply the ingredients needed to decorate theme- icing, sweets and raisins.
• Make a finger puppet kit using felt shapes they can glue together to make up their own finger puppet set (They will need some help to make theme up
• Collect some cereal boxes, and others empty form your cupboard. Stuff with paper, and seal to strengthen them. They will be able to use them to play shops or cooking with. You could add a carry basket to add to the fun.

When looking for Christmas presents it is so easy to get caught up in the rush and stress of the season. Perhaps the very best present we can give our children this year is some focussed and quality family time, perhaps with a family tradition your children will pass onto their children when they are grown. Your child will remember the time you spent with theme more than the gifts they received.

At the beginning of each day someone would read a first person account of what it felt like to be a person with one of the above, and we were asked to reflect in silence, then draw our response.

This exercise, and the work around how we saw a child (or adult) with any of the above “problems” helped me see how we so often are driven to diagnosis because it helps us see the problem as outside of us, and then we can label it, medicate it, and decide to change it.

I am especially fond of children and adults with aspergers traits. There are extremes along the scale, but I find it refreshing to spend time with the logical strength of someone with Aspergers. They live by reason and rules, and often find it hard to understand the inconsistency of emotionally led behaviour

To me, discovering your child, teen, or adult has aspergers is about then recognising the gifts that lie within that diagnosis. It’s not a reason to pump drugs into a child, but it is a reason to look at how we can create an environment for them to learn that sees them flourish.

I wonder how our world would change if we stopped making apologies for differences, and instead, began to explore the gift a “different” person brings to our world

Why is our way necessarily the “best” way, simply because it’s the more “normal” way?

It would be good to sometimes consider our repsonsibilities.

Child abuse continues to happen because the responsibility for the care of the child is shafted to protect the rights of the parents or caregivers looking after the child.

Perhaps the only way we can change this is make the child’s rights more important (more enforceable) than the adult’s?

What do you think?