I was talking in the weekend with a friend about how we can see “setbacks’ or “unpleasant experiences” in a different way.
In the last year, I’ve been learning to look at something that hasn’t been pleasant for me (anything I’ve objected to or not found an instantly amazing thing), and instead of looking for someone to blame, or focussing on the negative attributes of that situation, I’ve asked “How is my reaction to this highlighting something in me that could change?” or “What’s really going on here?”
As I’ve done that, I’ve started to grow and change. I’m not looking to pass on blame or make it someone else’s fault. It’s not my job to change your worldview, or change the way you see me or judge me – but it is my job to walk in my own values, and to honour myself.
My friend was asking “If I am doing all this work in this area, why do the same old problems crop up. Does it mean I’m either not changed, or I’m destined to have these issues for the rest of my life?”
I asked her – “Are you reacting to them in the same way?”
And she isn’t. She is growing, learning to adjust her behaviour, and her reactions, and from that, there is change. She’s not maintaining relationships with people who show little respect for her. She’s not trying to prove her worth to someone else. She’s learning to walk away.
For me this has also been a steady process. It’s not be a instant fix. And at each stage in trying to nail a particular behaviour that has led to issues in the past, I’ve been faced with situations that highlight to me my progress in learning.
It’s kind of like a video game- you get more and more complex levels of basically the same thing, as you progress past the small lessons. (thanks Deb for the great analogy!)
I’m loving it. I’m loving that adversity in my eyes is helping me mark my progress, and my own development. I’m loving that it’s helping me stake markers in my journey of how I’m changing and evolving – instead of markers that show I’m just on a journey going around and around in circles.
It’s completely exciting, and it’s completely motivating.
I’ve seen more and more than life mirrors my internal journey, and as I become more aware of this, I am learning faster.
I’m not wishing adversity on myself – but should it crop up, I AM wishing that my response to it is a little bit further along in terms of positive reaction than the last time.